| hahaha i can't even make my own breakfast. |
[Dec. 24th, 2008|08:35 am] |
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This morning i was up early, so my mom was still here. She made me eggs and i caught my toast on fire. Who catches toast on fire? so, culinary is out of the picture! ha. I was seriously considering it until that happened. Anyway I spent a lot of yesterday's afternoon putting myself back together. I cleaned up my room (kinda) and re arranged a few things. Not furniture, but pictures and stuff. I felt a lot cleaner after doing so. I took a lot of things off of my walls and replaced them with new pictures with new memories (even though a few of the faces starting back at me arn't in my life anymore, it's still nice to see them there.) I've been meaning to put a lot of memories in a box and take a little trip down to an old " friend's" house to drop all the stuff off. I keep procrasinating on that and i'm not sure if it's because i want to keep these memories or not. Whatever the deal may be, this person isn't even in town, so i'm thinking it'd be a good idea to go while he's not here. I think i'd rather face him, and get everything out though.I think it's time to let everything go. Let everything out and move on with my life. A lot of things were going through my head lastnight like this. How much time changes things. It changes people. Even ourselves. As i looked back at the faces of various childhood friends who in every picture had a faint smile across their lips, i thought of how much these people have not only changed themselves, but me aswell. Some for the bad, but some for the good but each and every one of them changed who i am in one way or another. &- It had me thinking of my mom. She was best friends with this women named Monica. Monica had two daughters. One named Brittany and one named Briana. Brittany was only a week or two older than me. I grew up with her and she was my best friend since birth practically. As time went by i began to notice that i wasn't seeing Brittany as much. That's when my mom told me that her and Monica were no longer friends, and the last time i saw Brittany had to be when i was still early into elementry school. Though i was so young, i remember never wanting to be close to anyone because for years I watched my mom and dad become great friends with Monica and her husband. Brittany was like the sister i never had. I was afraid of getting close to people only to have them taken away from me. I think over the years i sort of forgot about the fear i had of letting someone in, but it all came back to me lastnight when i walked into the kitchen and my mom told me that Monica's sister told my mom that Monica wanted her phone number. It's been years since they've talked, and i think my mom became skeptical over the whole situation though in some ways it's really exciting. I still talk to Brittany a little, but not too much. I havn't in awhile, but we still keep in touch from time to time over myspace. I think I can relate to how my mom is feeling right now, and it's nice to know that even though we've been fighting for the past 2 days, we can put that stuff behind us and move on. Especially in our times of need, but even more so during christmas. I'm kind of excited yet nervous for tonight. I was in the other room when i heard my mom ask my grandma to come to church with us tonight. I think we're going. I hope so. |
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